2. Yes, the Great British summertime: brief moments of exhilaration, tempered by a gloomy foreknowledge of ultimate anticlimax.
3. Let’s be honest: most outdoor activities you arrange will end up like this.
4. At which point everything vaguely summery will suddenly seem dismally ironic.
5. But have faith! It will, very occasionally, be moderately hot and sunny.
6. The unlikeliest of candidates will shed their clothes.
7. Admittedly, not everyone will take to the sunshine well.
9. But it won’t all be bad. For one thing there will be sweet, sweet ice cream.
12. We’ll make the same joke we make every year (and it will still be funny).
13. We’ll feign an interest in cricket, even though we’re only watching it because all the good sports have finished for the summer.
14. Mystifyingly, men everywhere will be gripped by the desire to do this.
15. And every driver will dice with death when sitting on hot leather.
16. A weekend trip to the countryside will seem – against all rational advice – like the best idea ever.
17. Teenagers will get their A-level results. Though mysteriously only female students will appear in the papers.
18. Everyone will bang on endlessly about Glastonbury, and – unless you’re there – you’ll get sick of hearing about it.
19. But you’ll enjoy laughing at people’s misfortune if it’s a muddy one.
21. People will flock to the pub every night for delicious post-work pints.
22. For a few precious weeks, outdoor drinking – and Pimm’s! – will be a genuine option.
24. Actual news will seem to disappear for the duration of silly season.
25. Momentarily, it will seem like the whole country’s in a good mood.